self-deprecation

So.... I had a hard day. I'm going to write about it.

I jokingly told a few of my friends recently that I'm an realist in the morning and a romantic at night. It's true. While I generally wake up confident and ready to take on life, I'm usually also relatively cynical after that alarm goes off. It's interesting, because I think it takes its toll on my mood. I get dramatic and sentimental at night. And... Emotional, honestly. Can't say I fully understand the whole ordeal, but there's someone who uses it against me, and that is Satan.

Today, after getting dressed, I looked in the mirror. And the tiny little Satan-voice in the back of my head said,
"Hm. Those jeans don't fit as well as they could."
"That shirt seems more snug than it used to."  
"My hair looks awful." 
"Ooh, look at that nice new zit!"

As the day went on, I started doing something destructive. I started comparing.
"Wow, I wish I had her complexion."
"Ugh, her outfit is so much better than mine."
"If I just had her figure..."
And I started to think that others were judging and comparing me. I read into everything I was saying and doing.
"He probably thinks I'm annoying."
"Wow, good going Kira, I'm sure she wants to be friends now..."
"Why did I even do that?"

And then, after about 6:00 pm, the Satan-voice pointed out every happy couple and said,
"Look at them. Don't you want that? You'll probably never get it."
And eventually he didn't even need to point out couples.
"You'll probably just be alone forever."

In retrospect, these things are all ridiculous. Right? It's said that hindsight is 20-20. And you know, if I'd truly thought about those little biting thoughts a little harder, I would have undoubtedly seen how ludicrous they were. But I let them get to me. And it hurt. And I wish I could say that this was just today but it happens often, at least to an extent.

Now, because I have an incredible best friend who gives fabulous advice and Youtube recommendations, I was directed to this video:

I watched it, I cried a little, I called the above-mentioned friend and thanked him. Then I said a prayer, and thanked my Heavenly Father for all the the things He has given to me. For the opportunities that I have. For my talents. For my family and friends and school and most especially for His Son, Jesus Christ. My Friend.

I know I'm not the only one with self-deprecating and belittling problems. In fact I'm positive the most people suffer from the same sort of issue. And I just want to tell you people... Remember your worth. You have a loving Heavenly Father. He weeps with you. He laughs with you. He sent His Only Begotten Son to suffer for your sins and punishments and hardship and pain and illness so that you would always have someone to turn to.

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. 

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me. (Alma 7:11-13) 

He is there. He knows our infirmities, and how to help us through them. And He will, if we turn to Him. I am so grateful for that... I don't know what I'd do without that knowledge.