self-deprecation

So.... I had a hard day. I'm going to write about it.

I jokingly told a few of my friends recently that I'm an realist in the morning and a romantic at night. It's true. While I generally wake up confident and ready to take on life, I'm usually also relatively cynical after that alarm goes off. It's interesting, because I think it takes its toll on my mood. I get dramatic and sentimental at night. And... Emotional, honestly. Can't say I fully understand the whole ordeal, but there's someone who uses it against me, and that is Satan.

Today, after getting dressed, I looked in the mirror. And the tiny little Satan-voice in the back of my head said,
"Hm. Those jeans don't fit as well as they could."
"That shirt seems more snug than it used to."  
"My hair looks awful." 
"Ooh, look at that nice new zit!"

As the day went on, I started doing something destructive. I started comparing.
"Wow, I wish I had her complexion."
"Ugh, her outfit is so much better than mine."
"If I just had her figure..."
And I started to think that others were judging and comparing me. I read into everything I was saying and doing.
"He probably thinks I'm annoying."
"Wow, good going Kira, I'm sure she wants to be friends now..."
"Why did I even do that?"

And then, after about 6:00 pm, the Satan-voice pointed out every happy couple and said,
"Look at them. Don't you want that? You'll probably never get it."
And eventually he didn't even need to point out couples.
"You'll probably just be alone forever."

In retrospect, these things are all ridiculous. Right? It's said that hindsight is 20-20. And you know, if I'd truly thought about those little biting thoughts a little harder, I would have undoubtedly seen how ludicrous they were. But I let them get to me. And it hurt. And I wish I could say that this was just today but it happens often, at least to an extent.

Now, because I have an incredible best friend who gives fabulous advice and Youtube recommendations, I was directed to this video:

I watched it, I cried a little, I called the above-mentioned friend and thanked him. Then I said a prayer, and thanked my Heavenly Father for all the the things He has given to me. For the opportunities that I have. For my talents. For my family and friends and school and most especially for His Son, Jesus Christ. My Friend.

I know I'm not the only one with self-deprecating and belittling problems. In fact I'm positive the most people suffer from the same sort of issue. And I just want to tell you people... Remember your worth. You have a loving Heavenly Father. He weeps with you. He laughs with you. He sent His Only Begotten Son to suffer for your sins and punishments and hardship and pain and illness so that you would always have someone to turn to.

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. 

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me. (Alma 7:11-13) 

He is there. He knows our infirmities, and how to help us through them. And He will, if we turn to Him. I am so grateful for that... I don't know what I'd do without that knowledge.

mission

I'm know a little late to the "I posted something about general conference" party in the blogging world, but I have so much to say that I just didn't know where to begin, you know what I mean?
I guess I did mention it in my last post, but here's a little more on the subject.

Basically, this happened.

(if you would like to know what an LDS mission is, click here)

Well, at the time, my nineteenth birthday was in a little under a month.

I had wanted to serve a mission ever since I was a little girl.
Now, all of a sudden, it was upon me.

Well, after careful consideration, much deliberation, and probably even some perspiration (haha), along with daily phone calls to my parents, a plethora of prayers, and scripture study, I decided to meet with my bishop.

We talked the Tuesday after conference and he told me to diligently search for an answer that this was what I should do at this point in time, and to come back the following Sunday.
I fasted, prayed and read my scriptures more in-depth than I think I really ever have before. I met with advisors to discuss what classes I'd take when I got back, figured out how to get out of my housing contract for next semester, get my scholarship deferred, and file a leave of absence (everything works out marvelously).

On the 14th of this month, my bishop opened my papers.
Over the next few days I finished forms, uploaded relevant documents, went to doctor and dental appointments that my wonderful mother set up for me, and got everything as finished as I could.
Tonight, I met with my bishop again, had my friend Lexie take my picture with her awesome camera and skills, edited said picture, checked everything over, aaaand...

I'm done. It's out of my hands.

My bishop will send it to the stake presidency.

Hopefully I'll get a call in the next few days to set up a time for an interview with a member of the stake presidency.

After the interview, my stake president will send my forms on to Church Headquarters in Salt Lake, where the Quorum of the Twelve will review them and decide where I'm going.

I could have a call in just a few weeks.

I'm going on a mission. This is happening.

I AM SO EXCITED.

I shall keep y'all updated.

pushups and donuts

I had heard this story a couple of times before today, but I heard it again at my friend Daniel's mission farewell and I decided I really wanted to post it on here. It's kind of cheesy but I honestly don't care - It gets the point across wonderfully. I'll talk more about it in the next couple of days!

Brother Christianson taught Seminary. He had a open-door policy and would take in any student that had been throw out of another class as long as they would abide by his rules. Steve had been kicked out of his sixth period and no other teacher wanted him, so he went to Brother Christianson’s class.

Steve was told that he could not be late, so he always arrived arrived on time but never more than just one second before the bell would ring. He would always sit in the very back of the room and was always the first to leave after class was over.

One day, Brother Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. After class, Brother Christianson pulled Steve aside and said, “you think you’re pretty tough, don’t you?’

Steve answer was “Yeah, I DO.”

Then Brother Christianson asked, “How many push-up can you do?”

Steve said, “I do about 200 every night.”

“200? That’s pretty good, Steve,” Brother Christianson said. “Do you think you could do 300?”

Steve replied, “I don’t know… I’ve never done 300 at a time before.”

“Do you think you could?” Brother Christianson again asked.

“Well, I can try, “ said Steve.

“Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I need you to do 300 in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,” Brother Christianson said.

Steve said “well… I think I can… yeah, I can do it.”

Brother Christianson said, “Good! I need you to do this on Friday.”

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, Brother Christianson pulled out a big box of donuts. Now these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited, after all it was Friday, and this was the last class of the day. They were ready to get an early start on the weekend.

Brother Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, “Cynthia, do you want a donut?” Cynthia said, “Yes”

Brother Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, ”Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Cynthia can have a donut?”

Steve said “sure” and he jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Brother Christianson put a donut on Cynthia desk.

Brother Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked,”Joe do you want a donut?”

Joe said, “Yes!” Brother Christianson asked, ”Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?” Steve did ten pushups. Joe got a donut.

And so it went down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut. He went down the second aisle, until Brother Christianson got to Scott.

Scott was captain of the football team and center of the basketball team. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When Brother Christianson asked, “Scott, do you want a donut?”

Scott’s reply was, “well, can I do my own push-ups?”

Brother Christianson said, “ NO, Steve has to do then,”

Then Scott said, “Well, I don’t want one then.”

Brother Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, “would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?”

Steve stared to do ten pushups, Scott said” HEY! I SAID I DIDN’T WANT ONE!”

Brother Christianson said, “Look, This is my class room, my desks and my donuts. Just leave it on the desk.” And he put a donut on Scott’s desk.

Now by his time, Steve had begun to slow a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took to much effort to get up and down. You could see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Brother Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Brother Christianson asked Jenny, “Jenny, Do you want a donut?” Jenny said “NO.”

Then Brother Christianson asked Steve, “Steve, would you do ten pushups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?” Steve did ten pushups. Jenny got a donut.

By now, the students were beginning to say “NO” and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve was beginning to put forth a lot of effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweet on the floor beneath his face, his arm and brow were beginning to get red from the physical effort involved.

Brother Christianson asked Robert to watch Steve to make sure he did ten pushups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch Steve work for all those uneaten donuts. So Robert began to watch Steve closely. Brother Christianson started down the fourth row.

During his class some more students had wandered in and sat along the heaters along the side of the room. When Brother Christianson realized this; he did a quick count and saw 34 students in the room. He started to get worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Brother Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Brother Christianson, “Do I have to make my nose tough on each one?”

Brother Christianson thought for a moment, “well, they’re your pushups. You can do then any way that you want.” And Brother Christianson went on.

A few minutes later, Jason came to the door and was about to come in the room when all the student yelled, “NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!”

Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, “ NO, let him come in.”

Brother Christianson said, “You realize if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him.”

Steve said, “Okay.”

And Brother Cristianson replied, “I’ll let you get Jason out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?” “Yes.”

Steve, will you do ten pushups so Jason can have a donut?” Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, Bewildered was handed a donut and sat down.

Brother Christianson finish the fourth row, then started on those seating on the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each pushup in a struggle to lift him self. By this time, there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two girls were cheerleaders and very popular. Brother Christianson asked, “ Linda, do you want a donut?” Linda said very sadly, “no, thank you.”

Brother Christianson asked Steve, “Steve, Would you do ten pushups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want?” Grunting from the effort, Steve very slowly did ten pushups for Linda. Linda got her donut.

Brother Christianson turned to the last girl, “Susan, do you want a donut?” Susan, with tears flowing down her face, asked, “Brother Christianson, Can I help him?”

Brother Christianson said with tears flowing down his own face, “No, he must do it all alone. Steve, would you do ten pushups so Susan can have a donut?”

As Steve very slowly finished his very last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, after having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Ending:

Brother Christianson then turned to the room and said, “And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, after completing all that was required of him, Pleaded to the Father, ‘Into thy hands I commend my spirit.’ Collapsed and died on the cross. And so many in the world, like us, leave this special gift on the desk, uneaten.”

grateful

I am really, so grateful for everything that I have.

My Savior suffering and dying for me, though?

That takes the cake.

I am so grateful for the Atonement. I love my Jesus so much. I am so thankful that He loved me enough to go through so much for me. I am especially thankful for the opportunity I have to live with Him and my Heavenly Father again, through what Christ did for me.

This website is wonderful.

So is this video, and the music with it.

Happy Easter, everyone. Don't forget to take some time and think about what today is really about. :)

stake conference

I have not always been a fan of Stake Conference*.

In fact, I used to quite despise it. Two hours in the same room, with no break time to get up and walk around?

Ick.

This year, though, I had a change of heart. We had our first Stake Conference for my YSA** stake in October.

It was amazing! I had several friends who missed it and I was just sad for them because it was so great and they missed out on several wonderful messages.

Then, this past weekend, it came 'round again, and, though some roommates and friends groaned about it, I was actually excited!

I had lots of questions about things that I was going through, and, though I had been praying about them, I was still unsure of some of the answers. Guess what?
Every. Single. Question.
Answered.

The biggest one, I think, had to do with something I have really been struggling with lately.
Being around incredibly talented musicians all the time tends to make me reflect on my own talents. And... Not in a good way. Things like -
"I've played the piano for 14 years. Why can't I play like [insert name here]?" or
"I can't sing like [insert name here] can..." or
"I'll never be able to play the guitar like [insert name here]."
It's rather horrible, actually. I degrade my self and put myself down and focus on how everyone else is better than me at everything. I have struggled with this basically since the beginning of the school year - it's just too easy to feel inadequate around such incredible people.

Well, about a month ago, I was thinking about it and realized the love that my Savior has for me.
He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane for my sins and afflictions, and then he died on the cross - for everyone, but for everyone individually. That means that he did it for me, individually.
When I realized that, I remember thinking, "If he loves me enough to do all of that for me, I ought to give myself a chance."
I thought that I had my answer there, but I continued putting myself down and feeling quite inadequate. A lot.

Fast forward to Stake Conference now. I am sitting in our Saturday night meeting, listening to one of our lovely leaders speak, when I hear him say something along the lines of:
"God loves all of His children. He loves you. He wants you to realize that you are enough."
And there it was, like a ton a bricks. All I could think about for the rest of the meeting was how everything that everyone else said supported that. I was so incredibly happy.
I am enough.

Though it is sometimes hard, we need to remember that life is not a competition.
It is not about being better, or even "as good as" other people.
In His sight, we are all equal.
We are all enough.

Anyway, moral of the story? Stake Conference is the bomb.com and I loooove it. Yup. :)
Peaaaace.

*Stake Conference is an LDS (Mormon) meeting that is held twice a year in individual stakes, which are made up of wards, which are made up people in a certain area. This is not the same as General Conference, though that is in a few weeks, and I love it. :)

**Young Single Adult

reminder that i am super blessed

Last night I discovered Lisa King's blog - NieNie posted a link to it here, saying that it made her heart ache.

I clicked, not thinking much of it.

Dear people, the Kings' story is one of the saddest that I have ever heard.

I spent an hour and a half last night reading Lisa's posts and crying.

Her son, Noah, was born with hydranencephaly, meaning that parts of his brain were replaced by fluid, possibly from having a stroke in the womb.

The doctors gave him two to four years to live, as well as telling Lisa and her husband, Aaron, that Noah would never be able to walk or talk, was probably deaf and blind, and would never be able to do most things on his own. 

Against all odds, Noah lived until last October. He was 10 years and 3 months old when he passed. Doctors told the Kings that he lived so long due to the love and care that he had been shown - that his family had kept him alive.

Noah King - via

Losing Noah was horrendously difficult for his family, as is to be expected. I am sure that they will always miss him, until they are reunited with him after this life.

To make matters even more tragic, however, Aaron King passed away last week, on the 26th of January, from suspected heart problems. He was only 39.

Aaron King and his youngest son, Kobe - via

His death was completely unexpected, and I am sure that, especially with the recent passing of Noah, losing him was heartbreaking and awful for all who knew him, but especially for Lisa.

Even with the hardship that they are going through, Lisa is being strong. It is incredible.

She is an inspiration to me.

Lisa still has three young sons, Jalen (12), Harrison (7), and Kobe (3).

I am so glad that they know about forever families.

I am so blessed to have my family.

I am blessed to be so close to them, both emotionally and physically. I love that I can call them up anytime and talk to them. I love that I can get home basically any week that I want to see them.

An old picture (2008), but the only one I have on my computer of all of us

Most of all,  I am grateful for the knowledge I have of forever families.

Nothing fills me with more joy than remembering that I will get to live with my family for eternity, and that, though some of them may leave for a while, it's only temporary.

I can't imagine how people go throughout their lives believing that death is the end.

I can't imagine how I would bear losing any of my family members without what I know about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am so thankful to know what I know.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here to learn about my beliefs.

To help the Kings, go here.

marvelous {Christmas}

Well I hope that everyone had a super amazing fantastic marvelous Christmas!

I did! Full of family and Christ and happiness! And food... So much food...

Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and here is the marvelous:

Things I love:

-Jesus Christ

-Mary, for being probably the bravest and most amazing woman ever!

-Joseph, for being possibly the most fabulous husband in all history. Wow.

-The Shepherds, for spreading the word and for coming to worship baby Jesus. I am sure that Mary was grateful that He did not have to come into the world completely alone!

-The wise men, though they came later. They recognized a toddler as the future redeemer of the world. That would be so difficult... "Wise men sought Him, so should we."

-The smell of pine

-The DI right after Christmas (and any other time, but it was like... Ahhhhh!)

-Comfy shoes

-$2 cowboy boots. I am serious.

-Colorful cell phone cases

-My family

-Babies laughing

-Babies in general - they're kinda adorable.

-Cozy blankets

-Soft clothing

-Good deals

-Watching peoples' faces as they open presents

-Sleeping

-Getting a raise

-Looking awesome

-Sweatshirts

-Watching good movies that I have not previously seen

-Laughing at myself when I cry in Disney/Dreamworks/etc. animated movies

-Silver

-Christmas colors

-Getting things that I need from other people so I don't have to buy them

-Being spoiled (but only on occasion so I'm not a brat.)

-Charlie Brown

-The Wii

-Netflix

-Candycane Hershey's Kisses

-Delicious food

-People who care about other people

-The Christmas Spirit. It is real, folks. I will miss it a lot...

-Love

-Laughter

-Life

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. :)

marvelous {pinterest edition}

Sooo I'm fairly sure that most of you have heard of Pinterest by now. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

Anyway, as I did not get a whole lot of pictures taken over the last few weeks, there will be some photos collected from Pinterest in this post. It's a lovely place, check it out if you haven't! :)

Also, I am officially changing Marvelous Mondays. No longer are they only going to be about what I loved that day, or that week, or that month. Now they will simply be things that I love. Enjoy!

Things I love:

-The Salt Lake Temple

...especially at Christmastime. :)

-This place!

via

-College... I am hoping that the last one worked for me this semester!

via

-Puns!

via

-Thinking about the future

via

-Food/great ideas!

via

-Buttons! They're just so cute. :)

via

-Dresses. And modesty! It's hottest, you know.

via

-Wit.

via

-Love.

via

-My God and His son, my Savior, Jesus Christ

via

I shall post more as I find more. :)

Merry first full week of December to ye!

savior

And that is all. :)

Til later!

i do believe in aggies; i do, i do!

Well goodness, it seems like it's been ages.

Last week felt about twice as long as it really was!

I had my first real heap of homework... 

It took me 3 days. Straight.

Anyway, it is over now, and I am so thankful to not have 6 essays due this week.

Oops, that was going on my list!

I had best get on with this before I spew the rest of it. ;)

Things I loved about today, last week, and all of the above

-Finishing my homework last week

-The BYU - Utah State game! It was a moral dilemma trying to decide who to cheer for, but so fun!

-General Conference for my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

-One of my favorite talks can be viewed here!

-President Thomas S. Monson

-All the other incredible church leaders that I am so fortunate to have

-This video (I want about 89% of all the clothing in it)

-Going to football games!

-Screaming slighty-altered lines from Peter Pan at said football games

-Seeing friends at BYU

 -Jamba Juice

-Spending time with my dad!

-Watching 17 Miracles and crying like a newborn child

-Reading Revelation 21:4 and realizing that even through the hard times, all can be well through Christ :)

-Pinterest

-The fact that it's October! October means Halloween! I love Halloween. :)

-The fact that it has started to cool down. Jacket weather! 

-My dope watch

-Stripes!

-Chocolate...

-Planking, hahahaha. :)

-Trying to figure out what to be for Halloween

-Resolving confusing things

-Clearing up misunderstandings for the better

-Visiting my family

-Having weird roommates

 -Helping high school boys ask high school girls to dances ;)

 

-Birthday celebrations for roommates! :) We "cleaned the sink" at Angie's for Taylour's birthday :)

-Brown paper packages... Not tied up with string, but so lovely, nonetheless. :) Thanks Nick! 

-Gardner Village at Halloween time. :)

-This little chica :) 

-My lovely siblings! (minus McKayla in the picture :( ) 

-Free steak from awesome neighbors. Mmmmmmm.

It was an amazing couple weeks! I love college...

Happy Monday!

Now that that's out of my system... Hi! 

I'm actually doing a Marvelous post this week. :)

And there's a lot to list, so here we go!

Things I loved about today this month:

-Food

-Meeting new people

-Comcast customers who aren't grumpy

-Zeitoun

-Getting my netbook back!

-Meeting cute boys ;)

-Student wards!

-The Golden Toaster

-Coolish temperatures

-Facebook stalking!

-Graduating training at work!

-Living on campus

-My coworkers

-People who call in with their Comcast problems and make jokes

-Finding the Logan thrift stores (D.I.!)

-Essie: e-nuf is e-nuf and turquoise&caicos

-Moving in!

-Utah State University... In general. :)

-Chilean neighbors!

-Old Main!

-The way I feel when I get off of work :)

-Being comfortable (physically and mentally)

-Laughing at myself :)

-Pinterest!

-Scriptures

-Knowing what I know

-My religion

-Jesus Christ, my elder brother and Savior :)

-Midnight food runs with mah friends. :)

-Eating chocolate for dinner

-Not having a curfew

-Thunderstorms (of epic proportions!)

-Life

-Liberty

-The pursuit of happiness

-This blog. :)

And all you lovely people. :)