today I

felt -

sick.
upset.
physical pain.
mental pain.
self-disappointment.
chilly.
anxious.
worried.
nervous.
sorry.


learned (or in some cases, relearned) -

I'm not always awesome at listening to reason.
It sucks to ostracize your best friend. Especially when he or she helps keep you sane/stable.
Satan is real, and he hates future missionaries. A lot.
Anxiety when your stomach is already sick is probably the worst ever.
For a supposedly intelligent person, I make some pretty dumb decisions.
Just because I want to do something doesn't mean I should do it.
I am incredibly selfish.
I might be a little bit heartless.
A fevered brain is not a reasonable brain. Neither is a been-awake-for-19-hours brain.
Things that I do don't just affect me... They affect those around me, too.
Satan knows my weaknesses...
I need an ego-check. Or several.
Listening to the Holy Ghost will always be a good idea. The Lord is always right.
Prayer is awesome.


listened to -

"In Rainbows" by Radiohead (twice)
"Kid A" by Radiohead
"Hospice" by The Antlers
"Turn on the Bright Lights" by Interpol
(And they were all amazing, holy cow. I'd listened to Kid A before, but none of the others. My best friend recommended them all to me and it's taken me this long to listen to them... None of them are necessarily super uplifting if you're not happy, because they're all pretty heavy. So... Consider that. And Hospice drops the f-bomb a few times... Also not uplifting. But holy cow. Music.)


read -

Mosiah 29 through Alma 5. Needed it.


Overall... Today wasn't the best day. This post is more for me than anyone else, but if you were affected by what I did yesterday, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.