today I

felt -

sick.
upset.
physical pain.
mental pain.
self-disappointment.
chilly.
anxious.
worried.
nervous.
sorry.


learned (or in some cases, relearned) -

I'm not always awesome at listening to reason.
It sucks to ostracize your best friend. Especially when he or she helps keep you sane/stable.
Satan is real, and he hates future missionaries. A lot.
Anxiety when your stomach is already sick is probably the worst ever.
For a supposedly intelligent person, I make some pretty dumb decisions.
Just because I want to do something doesn't mean I should do it.
I am incredibly selfish.
I might be a little bit heartless.
A fevered brain is not a reasonable brain. Neither is a been-awake-for-19-hours brain.
Things that I do don't just affect me... They affect those around me, too.
Satan knows my weaknesses...
I need an ego-check. Or several.
Listening to the Holy Ghost will always be a good idea. The Lord is always right.
Prayer is awesome.


listened to -

"In Rainbows" by Radiohead (twice)
"Kid A" by Radiohead
"Hospice" by The Antlers
"Turn on the Bright Lights" by Interpol
(And they were all amazing, holy cow. I'd listened to Kid A before, but none of the others. My best friend recommended them all to me and it's taken me this long to listen to them... None of them are necessarily super uplifting if you're not happy, because they're all pretty heavy. So... Consider that. And Hospice drops the f-bomb a few times... Also not uplifting. But holy cow. Music.)


read -

Mosiah 29 through Alma 5. Needed it.


Overall... Today wasn't the best day. This post is more for me than anyone else, but if you were affected by what I did yesterday, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

neglect

Neglect is serious, my friends. Serious business. It can even cause fatalities.
Me neglecting this blog probably won't cause your death, but in any case, I apologize for being a fail blogger!
I move back up to Logan tomorrow night, so hopefully once I'm up there I'll have more time to give 'er a little more lovin. :)

In the meantime, please enjoy this -

I don't care if you've already heard it, listen again. The guitar is so perfect. :)

Met this guy today! He was really cool and is really talented! If you go to his Facebook page you can get this and two other songs for free! Click here to do so.

One of my favorite covers ever, officially.

I am unbelievably excited for this new album... September 24th! :)

Peace, biscuits.

gnombre.

Is it dumb that this sort of makes me upset?

I feel like my creative bubble has been invaded. 

I'm sure they don't even know that my blog exists, but I felt so clever when I combined gnome and the Spanish word for name, "nombre," for my web address.

And now, there's some Hispanic gnome masquerading under that name.

How lame. What if I wanted to make a "Gnombre" someday? Hm?

Now it'll look like I stole the name from them. Even though I had it way before!

It's not like I have any ownership of the name, but I'm sad... Haha.

Imma go muffle my sorrows with some ice cream. Kbye!

that horrible moment when...

Nearly every photo I have taken in the last five years is gone.

Literally thousands of photos - gone forever.

Family trips (church history trip, California, Tennessee...), school events, dates, hangouts with friends, other special memories...

I feel like part of me died. Which is super dramatic, but there's a reason that I take so many pictures.

I love to look back at them. I love to remember the way that I was feeling when it was taken, or what beauty inspired me to take it...

Even though most of my brain wants to just explode and cry and remember everything that's gone and be sad, I've decided that this just means that I get a fresh start.

I get to begin again, and create a whole new set of memories. 

And the old ones? I can be grateful for the few that I was able to salvage from Facebook and various other places.

I'm making it a goal right at this very moment to get back to the places I lost all my pictures from. Several national parks, Tennessee, NYC... It'll happen!

Note to self: Utilize online photo storage.

worst

Have you ever made a horrible mistake?
I have. Several.
Usually I learn something from them, so while I'd never do them again, I don't necessarily regret them.
I don't believe in do-overs, after all.
But this week I did something horrible.

I missed my best friend's birthday.
I feel so horrible.
She lives on the other side of the country.
I haven't seen her since August and probably won't for a good long time still.
And I didn't call.
Didn't even send her a text.
A dumb Facebook post would've been better than this.

I am officially the worst best friend ever.
Don't follow in my footsteps, lovely people. You will hate yourself.